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<b>Posted by:</b> <lj user="dliciouzbabex">
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Posted on: Fri. November 20th, 2009 |
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Joe wanted to buy a motorbike. He doesn't have much luck until one day, he comes across a Harley with a 'for sale' sign on it.
The bike seems even better than a new one, although it is 10 years old. It is shiny and in absolute mint condition.
He immediately buys it, and asks the seller how he kept it in such great condition for 10 years.
'Well, it's quite simple, really,' says the seller, 'whenever the bike is outside and it's gonna rain, rub Vaseline on the chrome. It protects it from the rain.'
And he hands Joe a jar of Vaseline.
That night, his girlfriend, Sandra, invites him over to meet her parents. Naturally, they take the bike there.
But just before they enter the house, Sandra stops him and says, 'I have to tell you something about my family before we go in.'
'When we eat dinner, we don't talk. In fact, the first person who Says anything during dinner has to do the dishes.'
'No problem,' he says. And in they go.
Joe is shocked. Right smack in the middle of the living room is a huge stack of dirty dishes.
In the kitchen is another huge stack of dishes. Piled up on the stairs, in the corridor, everywhere he looks, dirty dishes.
They sit down to dinner and, sure enough, no one says a word.
As dinner progresses, Joe decides to take advantage of the situation.
So he leans over and kisses Sandra.
No one says a word.
So he reaches over and fondles her breasts.
Still, nobody says a word.
So he stands up, grabs her, rips her clothes off, throws her on the table, and screws her right there, in front of her parents.
His girlfriend is a little flustered, her dad is obviously livid, and her mom horrified when he sits back down, but no one says a word.
He looks at her mom...
'She's got a great body,' he thinks. So he grabs the mom, bends her over the dinner table, and has his way with her right there on the dinner table.
Now his girlfriend is furious and her dad is boiling, but still, total silence.
All of a sudden there is a loud clap of thunder, and it starts to rain.
Joe remembers his bike, so he pulls the jar of Vaseline from his pocket...
Suddenly the father shouted....'I'll do the fucking dishes!!!'
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<b>Posted by:</b> <lj user="dismaldespot">
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Posted on: Wed. November 18th, 2009
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It's tattoo time, guys.
( picturez )Heading down to Delaware on Monday to see a dude in a shop, to come up with some ideas and get some prices...
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Read 4 Comments ||
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<b>Posted by:</b> <lj user="dismaldespot">
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Posted on: Sat. November 14th, 2009
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Can't sleep. Been to bed twice already, spent a total of about an hour and a half trying to sleep. I've given up at this point. Oh well.
Might be switching jobs within a month or two. If I don't I'm going to wind up saying or doing something that will get me fired. :D At the very least I'm thinking about moving to a different location with the same company.
Everything hurts. This line of work really takes a toll on your body. My leg hurts, my arm hurts, my neck hurts. My hands have permanent black stains that will probably stick around for weeks even after I get out of this field, if I do. At any given time there are always around a dozen cuts on my hands and wrists. On top of the usual, I'm sick with something (although mild), and I have an ear infection. Gay.
I'm thinking 24-hour McDonalds.
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<b>Posted by:</b> <lj user="dliciouzbabex">
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Posted on: Thu. November 12th, 2009
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How long can you stay content before you ruin it? I thought about things and sort of came to the questions, "What am I getting?" vs. "What am I receiving?"
Getting:
- company
- fellow music lover I can vent to
- listening skills
- friendship
- empathy
- fun person to hang out with
- fellow movie lover
- sense of adventure
Giving:
- my time
- my music
- my friendship
- my listening skills
- emphathy
- my sense of humor
- sense of adventure
Ok. I think I have rationally calmed down myself. I was worried it wasn't an equal give and take, but after listing it out, it looks like it's even enough. Crisis averted!
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<b>Posted by:</b> <lj user="dliciouzbabex">
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Posted on: Wed. November 11th, 2009
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420 is fucking great. It doesn’t kill me anymore. It makes me feel like I can think better and deeper thoughts. Oh Chopin is so wonderful. He is so calm yet so intense all at once. I don’t understand how someone can do that without any words..all just intensities of music! Nuts.
What is so bad about having somebody like you? And you like them back too. Is it weird ..it is suppose to be weird that someone actually wants to talk with you and say good night. That it’s genuine and not contrived or forced at all. That it doesn’t service some kind of manipulative desire?
This feels much more organic. I feel that I know what his intentions are. They are laid out in the open and discussed. They aren’t hidden somewhere and locked down. That’s how it used to feel. It’s such a prominent feeling. I still can’t stop thinking about it. Is there something that I need to be focusing on? Am I walking away from something that I should rightfully notice?
Why do I keep thinking about it? What am I meant to realize? How much being open means to me? How important it is in a relationship in general? How it feels when it is there and not there? What’s good and what’s bad about both? Really that’s more of: why’s there more good in the one than the other???
I will tell you that being open just means being yourself. It’s the truth. Being open about yourself is a sort of release. It just means you can be without hyper-thinking. You can just exist. Be natural. Be yourself. There is no awkward thinking and there is no awkward feelings and. Well, I will stop there.
There was always awkward thinking and weird feelings with John. I felt like I couldn’t be myself and that was being enforced and rewarded.
John hides behind barriers and wanted me to also. He wanted to dull my personality into something as gray and boring as his. Is there something that I am missing here? Was there perhaps something that I allowed to happen? Is it fair to blame..instead of own?
Rule of thumb, there just has to be a balance. Cannot always play point-the-finger or scapegoat. Sometimes it’s a combination of both. Sometimes it’s one or the other. It doesn’t feel like it is something that can have various shades of gray. 0, 50, or 100. Low, medium, high. Red, yellow, green.
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<b>Posted by:</b> <lj user="ladybahiya">
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Posted on: Wed. November 11th, 2009
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EVE'S SIDE OF THE STORY
After three weeks in the Garden of Eden, God came to visit Eve. "So, how is everything going?" inquired God.
"It is all so beautiful, God," she replied. "The sunrises and sunsets are breathtaking, the smells, the sights, everything is wonderful, but I have just one problem.
It's these breasts You have given me. The middle one pushes the other two out and I am constantly knocking them with my arms, catching them on branches and snagging them on bushes. They're a real pain."
And Eve went on to tell God that since many other parts of her body came in pairs, such as her limbs, eyes, ears, etc. She felt that having only two breasts might leave her body more "symmetrically balanced".
"That's a fair point," replied God, "But it was My first shot at this, you know. I gave the animals six breasts, so I figured that you needed only half of those, but I see that you are right. I will fix it up right away."
And God reached down, removed the middle breast and tossed it into the bushes.
Three weeks passed and God once again visited Eve in the Garden of Eden.
" Well, Eve, how is My favourite creation?"
"Just fantastic," she replied, "But for one oversight. You see, all the animals are paired off. The ewe has a ram and the cow has her bull. All the animals have a mate except me. I feel so alone."
God thought for a moment and said, "You know, Eve, you are right. How could I have overlooked this? You do need a mate and I will immediately create a man from a part of you. Let's see.... where did I put that useless Tit?"
Now doesn't THAT make more sense than all that crap about the rib?
Send to men with a sense of humor & women who figure this makes sense.
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<b>Posted by:</b> <lj user="dismaldespot">
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Posted on: Sun. November 8th, 2009
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I bought a USB-powered beverage warmer/cooler. Why? I dunno...but it was only $3.99. And it gets pretty cold. And pretty hot. Scientific experiment results to come.
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